Wait... this might just work...

BBC Children In Need was once again broadcast this month for its annual telethon. I am not about to review the 2011 version here. That's a blog fraught with danger. I don't have the dexterity to negotiate that traverse successfully. Besides, it goes on for about 6 hours and that is a lot to take mental notes on to review later. If you had to push me how I would do it, then it would be through a "live blog" format. On Twitter. But then, what would that be like?


Terry Wogan has hosted this for 30 years yet hair doesn't look like it has aged one bit. What's his secret?

Oh - cut to a piece about helping unfortunate children. Best stop commenting for this bit.

Tess Daly looks like a glam grandmother in that dress.

Right - now there is a story about children living in poverty. Best stop commenting for this bit.

The newsreaders are doing something later in the show? Fingers crossed for a dance routine! #thatwasmebeingironicbecauseitisalwaysadance

Hang on - discussion about child illness. Best stop commenting for this bit.

Great! Regional round-up! Teachers wearing shoes on their hands all day to raise money. They are mental. Talking of mental, a mother is now on talking about... [well you get the idea]

No one wants to read that. That would be dreadful.

Watching the marginally antiquated variety/vaudeville format with cheapskate trailers of BBC Christmas episodes and slightly less entertaining than usual CIN themed "specials" of in-house shows whilst also discovering exactly why Londoners think they are the centre of Britain because all the regional shows are filmed in town halls regardless that they are on location in huge cities including Cardiff, Birmingham and Glasgow when the London studio, with it's celebrity guests, acts and pyrotechnics make it look like something from Bladerunner, let alone 200 miles away, [I mean, when the cameras are not tuned to the folk in Glasgow, do they sit and watch the London show on a TV wheeled in from the Fire Exit? Do they have to put up with Leon Jackson singing to pass their time? Is that why they are such a maniacal mob grabbing at the screen toward me by the third time we see them in the night - they are trying to escape through the transmission waves to my home where Leon Jackson can no longer harm them?] while it rattled up the donations into millions of pounds, I had an idea.

Could the Government not do this? You know, to raise some cash for all the services they say they can't afford? Now hear me out - if the UK will donate £26,000,000 to Children In Need, imagine what they would give to things that are more than kids?

The UK Government could come out on TV and explain that the British people could pledge money and it would result in extra policing, improved hospital care and school equipment and a dignified life for the elderly. Heck, they could even put some of the money raised towards proper services for children, too, into the bargain. "For just £27, 000 you could ensure the UK continues to have minor operations on the NHS for 2 more hours".

The Prime Minister could host the evening telethon and the British public could be entertained with the Cabinet doing a Grease medley. During the day, all the MP's could get involved by going back to their constituents, setting up UK Government In Need fetes with games and home baking and have people throw wet sponges at them for £1.50 a throw and then wave giant cheques from bank tellers who wore novelty MP bow-ties for the day at the camera when the telethon sweeps round the regions.

The more I thought about this, the more coherently good the idea of a Government charity became. Actually, it could be such a good idea, we could dispense with the inferior annual live TV telethon production all together and people could just donate throughout the year. The Government could even set up some sort of charitable omni-permeable direct debit procedure for everyone to be able to passively donate. No one would not want to, after all.

I was definitely onto something. But it would further require some form of memorable tag to remain in the public conscience if there was no annual Wogan hosted show to look forward to. It needs a cool nomenclature of an abbreviation.

Then I had it! How about: The Awesome Charity System. Or, TACS?

Ok... don't panic but I appear to have unwittingly taken us into [rather poor] political satire territory with this here... there is only one way to get out and end this blog with any kind of dignity for either one of us. Here is a picture of Tess Daly.

"Hello Sonny, want a Werther's Original?"