I must admit I find it a lot of fun and have been tweeting quotes from my made up movies every so often for a while now, to basically amuse myself. But now they can amuse you too!
Indeed, I have collated all the tweeted quotes together here from the other two blogs, including some never before seen quotes, as some sort of box set blog blue (oh they are blue alright) ray package.
But first – the trailers of other made up movies by me. Settle in with your pop, corn.
Lorna likes laughing out loud to friends’ social media updates – Lorna types out her giggles in the comment boxes.
L.O.L.
But When Lorna sees comments which don’t make her laugh, those friends become the prey in her social web.
Lorna LOLZ changes to Lorna KILZ quicker than throwing a computer sheep in… Lorna LOLZ then KILZ!
Rated R.
At first. Lorna certainly “likes” her friends' statuses. But then tagging them for real – with a ship's harpoon – becomes the only way.
Lorna LOLZ then KILZ!
Rated R.
“Who? I haven’t updated my status to that! Someone has hacked into my social network…” Lorna hacks into accounts... and flesh. When Lorna types out LOL you better watch out for it stands for LAUGH OUT LEATHAL in: Lorna LOLZ then KILZ!
Rated R.
Lorna LOLZ is Lorna KILZ in Stab Yourself Fit!
When Lorna KILZ hires you to be her personal trainer, it’ll be you doing the jogging… for your life!
“Hey, Lorna, you’re doing great on that machine! Now let’s move onto the dumbbells!!
“Hey! Who are you calling, Dumb?!”
Lorna KILZ stabs herself fit in a fit of rage!
Lorna KILZ puts the combat in body combat!
But Lorna KILZ also shows a tender side: “Wow Lorna KILZ, looking at you in this communal shower, I wonder if I can ever get a body like yours? What’s your secret to your toned body?”
“Take a stab in the dark, kid!”
“Good eating and healthy exercise?”
“Well, healthy for one of us! Here, let me show you!”
"Aiiieeeee!!!"
Treadmills become Dead-mills in this gym. This is where wild women are held behind parallel bars.
Because this is the gym where you Stab Yourself Fit!
“Lorna KILZ, are you sure this is going to get me the thighs I want?”
“You’ll have the body I’d kill for, Kid!”
Stab Yourself Fit!
RATED R!
Lorna LOLZ, vixen star of Lorna LOLZ then KILZ and Lorna LOLZ then KILZ II, stars in her brand new feature as Kan-Doo in Kan-Doo Attitude!
When you hear Kan-Doo, you are already done.
No crook is too small, no mafia boss to large for Kan-Doo to do her thing. And do her thing, she does.
When a gang of Hell bikers ran over her heart they took almost everything from her, except her attitude.
[In a barn] “Hey, do I have any volunteers to run this shipment across the state line?”
“I can do, boss!”
“Don’t mention that name!”
“What name, boss?”
[From the barn door] “My name, apple pie!”
“Kan-Doo! Get her!”
When fists start flying, bad men start dying, when feet are kicking, crime takes a licking, all because of the Kan-Doo Attitude!
When you hear Kan-Doo, you are already done.
[Sleazy guy in a restaurant] “Hey, did I hear right? Your name’s Candy? Sure look sweet enough to me, baby!”
“Sure baby, sweet enough to give you diabetes of the jaw!” [punch!]
Rated R.
And now for the main features!
Clouds Set To: Doom (rated R)
Sexy Autopsy (rated R)
Fax Machine Down! (rated R)
The Horrific Library (rated R)
Clouds Set To: Doom (2012)
"Professor, it is almost as if the cloud dial has been purposely set to doom!"
- Clouds Set To: Doom
"Neil, you know what a reversal of mood in the clouds spell? DOOM!"
- Clouds Set To: Doom
"Sarah, we need to get to the Professor's lab before the clouds do. Now put that cheese down and GET IN!"
- Clouds Set To: Doom
“Mad? Would a mad scientist be able to successfully inject malice into clouds?”
- Clouds Set To: Doom
“I am not monstrous. I am perfectly normal. Don’t… er… don’t look at all my monstrous things over there”
- Clouds Set To: Doom
"I'm not a mad scientist! I take 24 pills a day to keep me sane!"
"Professor, I'd say you need to start taking 26."
- Clouds Set To: Doom
"It's true! There is a silver lining to every cloud!"
"That's no silver lining. Put on your anti-neutron poncho!"
- Clouds Set To: Doom
-----------------------------
Sexy Autopsy (2013)
"So, who's on the slab this morning? Hmmm, 'Sarah Jones'... Nice set of brain lobes."
- Sexy Autopsy
"Nurse! My y-incision CD, please."
"Best of Moby, Doctor?"
"Not this time. Put on... Best of Barry White"
- Sexy Autopsy
"I suppose, Nurse, the brain is the sexiest part of the body. But not when it's in that bowl. Or is it?"
- Sexy Autopsy
"What makes an autopsy sexy, doctor?"
"That would be where you come in, Nurse. Now hand me that saw. Slowly"
- Sexy Autopsy
“Nurse, you have lovely eyes. Now put them in the eye jar. No, the ‘smoky, come-to-bed’ labelled jar”
- Sexy Autopsy
For some reason I have Jayne Middlemiss as my star of Sexy Autopsy. Just seemed right somehow.
And this for the end credits as well as the single for the soundtrack album.
-----------------------------
Fax Machine Down! (2013)
“We’ve not received any faxes for… 41 minutes.”
“Great, golden Jeezus!”
- Fax Machine Down!
“Our fax machine isn’t working, general!”
“Quick, Private! Send Base a fax to let them know!”
“Sir?”
“Dammit!”
- Fax Machine Down!
“We are administrating blind here!”
- Fax Machine Down!
“Look! A Fax! Private, read the date on it!”
“8th November 1993, General”
“May God forgive our souls”
- Fax Machine Down!
-----------------------------
The Horrific Library (2014)
Tagline: Where the Librarians disturb the patrons
“You want to know where the horror section is? Why, it is ALL the horror section!”
- The Horrific Library
“We classify the books by their screams. The shriek decibel system”
- The Horrific Library
“Lots of our books have been dead multiple times. I mean ‘read’. And then killed.”
- The Horrific Library
-----------------------------
And I have not even started made-up quoting from this yet:
Greville's Terror Tales From The Tomb!
Where the women run hot and the blood runs cold.
Rated R.
#tombsmovie
Coming soon to a twitter near you...
If you don't follow me on Twitter then you are missing out on very occasional real quotes to my made up movies. So really, it's up to you.
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