Hans Greville Tombs

Sitting in a coffee house this morning I came to start thinking about a possible children's story book. It was to have the big bold lettering of classic Puffin Books and the colourful illustrations of a local watercolour artist.

Called The Cannae Bee, the story would basically involve a young Scottish boy who would see a bumblebee in various improbable places. He would say, "Mum! Dad! I have just seen a great big bumblebee!", "Where did you see it?" they would say. "In the fridge!" the young boy would reply (for example).

Then the Mum or Dad will say - and this is the key to whole concept - "It cannae be!" then give the reason. So in this scenario: "It's far too cold in the fridge for a bumblebee!"

Ok, it's uncomplicated in the format, but it is - you know - for kids. And I hadn't planned on story boarding a kids book over a hangover coffee in Cafe Nero.

Now it may well have been the 2nd espresso but I quickly found the plot taking a darker tone.

Once his parents have given the reason for the bee not located in these places, the boy would go back to check but the bee would be there hovering and say, in the grizzled voice of a serial prison convict: "No one will bee-lieve you, your parents, your granny or your friends. I am the Cannae Bee and I am where I cannae be! I am mad for a buzz so you better get me some pollen. I am talking the good stuff, too. Or I'll sting ye! You will see me again. Soon. Where you think I just cannae be!". I figured that the Bee character could basically haunt the boy in a constant waking nightmare.

I'll sketch up something for the end. I don't know: maybe the boy can't get to his pollen dealer (Fiona the Florist's Assistant) for one reason or another - if you had to push me on it, then, because he had an after school science assignment - and the Cannae Bee, hiding in a clock, goes mental and stings him right in the neck, as the parents come running and finally see the bumblebee's little prone dying hairy body.

The parents learn not to doubt the boy, the boy learns that bee stings are sore so best not to annoy them, the bee learns that given the consequences of stinging someone he should have sought therapy for his pollen addiction instead. It'll end on some joke like the Dad sneezing and the boy saying, "What you need is a vitamin bee!" It keeps things light.

In fairness, I hadn't thought it all out but it was at this point that I came up with the sequel to The Cannae Bee.

The Wisnae A Wasp.

Writing stories for children is very easy.