Diesel Ten is that a gun in your... oh it's in your hand, my mistake.

Google images, like all things Google, appears to show us the entire World Wide Web. For most people Google is the rabbit hole to the pantheon of all the Internet. But it is not a hero. It is just a search and retrieval display engine built on algorithms based in the USA.

This is a telephone conversation I had last night that involved Google images.

Friend on Phone: Hi, Greville. You're sort of like a librarian, maybe you could explain something to me?
Greville Tombs: I'll try, what's up?
FoP: I was trying to find a picture on the Internet of Diesel 10. I went on to Google images and searched for Diesel 10 and got Sean Connery wearing pants.

GT: Right. OK. Well - you know - times were tough for Sean, particularly in the 70's. He had to make a living like everyone else. But that is a terrific name for a... actually, pretty much any man doing anything ever: Diesel Ten. I wish I was called Diesel Ten. How cool would that be?
FoP: No, Diesel 10 is a character from Thomas the Tank Engine. 10 is a number. I was trying to find a picture for my young nephew. But why would this picture of Sean Connery come up? It's really strange.
GT: Not sure, likely it'll be poorly imputed meta-data for the image. Google images is based around that kind of thing to generate results. Tell you what, I'll fire up the computer and see if I can recreate your search results.

[firing up the computer]

GT: Ok - I am on Google images. I am searching for Diesel 10. And I've got a whole load of pictures of trains with faces on.

FoP: Do you see Sean Connery in pants?
GT: No.
FoP: I don't understand. I'll do a search too and see if I can get it again.
GT: You do know we are now hoping to see Sean Connery in pants?
FoP: Ok, Ok! I have it. He is here again! The same picture!

GT: Alright. Tell me exactly what your search string is. I'll do the same search and I'll see what you are seeing.

FoP: I am searching: SEAN... CONNERY... DIESEL... 10

GT: Hold on. You're searching for SEAN CONNERY DIESEL 10? I immediately can see your problem. You are typing Sean Connery at the start. Do you find that Sean Connery comes up a lot when you search for things online, things like: SEAN CONNERY LOCAL TV REPAIR MEN? Do you think that is how you make Google work somehow or don't you know your doing it and you think Sean Connery is really popular on the Internet?
FoP: No, no, no! I was just searching with Sean Connery at the start so I would get his picture up. Come on, you do it too so you can see it.
GT: Ah! Ah-ha! Ok, yes, I've got it. They are like blue denim cut-offs and he is holding a flag pole while checking his not-so-little black book. Sean is very assured of his masculinity, I'll give him that. Actually, that's the Union Jack - this picture could be close to treason.

FoP: Erm... no they are red pants.
GT: What?
FoP: The picture I have is of Sean Connery in red pants.
GT: Hang on. Let me just... scroll... Ok, I see it. I see it. Jeezus.

GT: You went for "red pants" to describe this picture? That was what you thought was the most memorable part of this "Mad Max does a porno" ensemble? The gayest bandito in Mexico? Jeezus.

FoP: What would you have gone for?

GT: That Sean is holding a non-standard issue side arm revolver. And he looks exactly how I imagine Diesel Ten to look!

Diesel Ten, what a guy.