MR SNOW brings the snow now

Britain currently looks like this, from the moon:

And while Britain has been enduring sub-zero temperatures and heavy snow fall throughout December, this week I happened upon MR SNOW.

It meets all the criteria for being responsible: Giant mechanised snow making robot. Yep, it all fits.

Now, before you do the obvious thing and strap tennis rackets to your feet to begin the arduous pilgrimage to face your new god and once there start worshipping at its plinth before hoping to appease it with offerings, such as Aled Jones, let me stop you. This will be a futile task [OK burning Aled Jones in a giant Wicker (snow) man is all well and good – yes, it will raise the temperature in the close vicinity for a bit, I’ll give you that. Maybe even melt a bit of the snow. And it’ll also be a timely boost to ratings on that particular episode of Songs of Praise. But once it is over you will have to go back to your family – and what will you tell them? That you had a nice evening spent with like minded people, shared a few stories, set fire to Aled Jones to calm MR SNOW your new and therefore your family’s new god? Good luck with that] – futile because MR SNOW is not a deity.

We are obviously dealing with a highly sophisticated machine here.

Apart from the issue that it is a terrible name for a robot, it is clear just by looking at it that it has been created by science and (just as everything given life by man) it has gone haywire. It is almost certainly using the most advanced technology of the age. It stands as a truly awesome piece of technical engineering and design. It has cogs on its chest and everything.

I am no robotics engineer but I would say that it definitely gets its power from harnessing the kinetic energy from sledging children.

Do not panic citizens! There are 2 sure fire ways to defeat a robot. Even one as advanced as this. Either give it an ambiguous set of rules in its programming which it cannot compute and, while it is distracted silently killing your innocent comrades, find the off switch… or get more scientists to build a marginally bigger, incrementally faster, minutely more intelligent robot. I know which way my money is to be on – Bring the slight increase in warmth MR MILD!