Now it is possible to create secure online Working Party and Department Groups, manipulate Shared Documents, host Interdepartmental Virtual Meetings, collectively add into Knowledge Databases, receive Management Notifications, complete interactive forms and disseminate any number of news stories you wish with RSS alerts.
All this efficiency for an open plan office with 8 people in it, who used to do many of those things with the crunching inefficient method of a chat and maybe follow up e-mail, way back in the old times. Of 2005.
[I have had a few of those olden days cryogenically frozen – to be thawed out at the very moment World of Warcraft: Contingency Plan 10am Meeting expansion pack is released]
“If something is written in stone – it will fall out of the data cloud. And perhaps squash a person with an idea.”
It is the end of the office paper document. These days it is all about the ongoing collaboration on lucid virtual documents and the fluid creation of organic policies around a virtual desk whilst using the internet to flight imbedded added value information into notes at a click of a mouse button.
But you know what it all makes me wonder? More so than: Why we have preposterously implemented the equivalent of the infrastructure of the UN to run the equivalent of a small cottage industry in Heathergems when we are pretty archaic in other ways? It makes me wonder what would happen if blog fan boy favorite Lobos the Robot was given the intranet?
Obviously that’s what I was wondering, what on earth else do you think I wonder about?
After all, Lobos would seem to be at an ideal evolutionary stage to use all this technology. Directly after man and office appliance merge like the worst Robocop film ever. Like Robocop 12 or something. The tagline: Half man, Half Cannon IRC 5035i – all Cop(ier) and looks like this:
Ha, ha! Look at it, trying to emote whimsy.
“Hey, I’ve just noticed that there is an Ethernet port at the back of Lobos. We could plug Lobos into the new office intranet!”
“You know, you should have created a working party on the intranet which would have alerted me via RSS feed to your proposal document that I could then add comments to, instead of simply shouting a statement across the room. But since you’ve got my attention, in this shameful lo-tech way, how would that make us more efficient beyond our current cloud online environment?”
“With its rudimentary 1993 vocalization software it would be able to read out vital management edicts out of its speaker!”
“But the intranet is designed in order that we are no longer distracted with verbal sounds.”
“And it’ll sound cool, like Stephen Hawking is talking to us!”
“Excellent. Do it.”
“OK, just putting the cable in the back now… oh… oh dear!”
“What is it?”
“Lobos has accessed our mainframe!”
“Do we even have a mainframe? It’s only 5 computers cobbled together by some grey cabling.”
“Now the printers are offline!”
“Right… best call IT.”
“We can’t, Lobos has cut the Telephone lines!”
“That beige boxed swine… it seems one step ahead of us at every turn. Almost as if it… perceives… our every next move.”
“Lobos has just declared a hostile takeover bid of our main competitor. We appear to have infiltrated the Kremlin, bypassed their firewall and have redirected the entire Russian nuclear armament’s global positioning onto their office building! We are at DEFCON 2!”
/TELL/ LOBOS:/ WHAT/ IS/ ROMANTIC/LOVE?/
“Jesus, it is exactly like Stephen Hawking is in the room.”
Ah Lobos, what will your biting office satire leave in its bloodied wake next?
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