I had helped out an old neighbour a couple weeks earlier in their market research work. He had taken up the part-time job having retired from his position in the building trade. I agreed to help him reach his quota for market research into the Advertisement of Banks.
I was happy to do it as for years a family friend had been employed in Market Research and for most of my school days I would have to rate, in depth onto forms with tick boxes, comment boxes and grading schemes, my breakfast cereal, which would be in any of 5 identikit white boxes marked on the sides A to E and drink juice from unmarked white cartons. To be fair, goodness knows what I was consuming.
Although, I was a contributory reason Snap! Crackle! and Pop! sounded the way it did in 1987 [needs more Snap!]. And disliked what turned out to be TAB Clear [every sip tastes like I am gulping down the vacuum of space].
He telephoned me saying that though, technically speaking, he really should have seen me in person it would be OK. He asked me 3 questions before telling me there were many more questions but he would fill them in later himself. Further, should the Market Research Company call me (which was unlikely) then I was to say that he had came round, I didn’t know him beforehand and he had conducted the full market research questionnaire with me. Basically, he said, just say yes to everything they ask.
This was good, as I am not the best of liars. Just keep saying yes.
This was not going to be like the time I was researching a new kettle and had to write a daily diary of why I was using it and give my conclusions to its performance. Some time after, I was contacted by the kettle’s parent company concerned that on one entry I had written, “It burned my feet”. I had to confess that it may have been less the kettle and more that I had been tired and emotional after a night out and was trying to make an instant coffee. Anyway, the fact remained; one of us was a bad pourer.
So this was the back story to the call I took.
Hello. Do you remember being interviewed a few weeks ago about banking advertisments?
Yes.
Did the market research interview take place in your residence?
Yes.
Was this the first occasion the Market Researcher has conducted market research with you?
Yes.
Did the Market Researcher produce an ID Card?
Yes.
Did the Market Researcher explain on whose behalf the market research was being conducted?
Yes.
Did the Market Researcher use an electronic chart on a lap-top to go through the questions and provide illustrations?
Yes.
Did the Market Researcher use a large flip-chart with stand to go through the questions and provide illustrations?
Hmmm [Well, he is older, a flip chart would be more likely than a lap-top, I better backtrack] … er… yes.
Did the Market Researcher use a small, hand held flip-chart to go through the questions and provide illustrations?
[Oh! Right now, wait... They probably know he can’t drive, how would he transport a large flip chart and stand? A large flip-chart just doesn't make sense. Now a small flip-chart – that would be far more plausible]… Yes.
So the Market Researcher used a lap-top, small flip chart and large flip chart in your residence to go through the questions and provide illustrations?
[Now, you've backed me into a corner here. All of a sudden my answers appeared less authentic. To be fair I didn’t realise that these other questions about chart types were coming up and I could hardly ask if I could I start again. Why couldn’t it have been multiple choice?
No, far better to let the lady think that this man, who I had never met previously, has turned up at my flat and questioned me, producing larger and larger charts, until he broke me down and I gave him the answers he wanted from his, clearly, full-on evening presentation that he had set up just for me about the songs used in the new Halifax ads.]
Yes.
I am pretty sure I've got him a promotion out of all this.
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