Bus stop, just stop.

So this is a thing now, is it?

One of the inner city bus routes goes by the local polytechnic college, as well as my laboratory, and so the bus company has upgraded the bus. It is now WI-FI enabled. It has GPS and a screen slung over the aisle that shows in real time the ETA to upcoming stops. The bus speaks it's terminus destination in a soulless, unfeeling yet soft accented female voice, every 240 seconds. A whole vocal package which I find quite sexy. A challenge.

All well and good. But it is still an inner-city bus regardless of how much it is like some sort of half- sexy-women-half-bus.

And it drives through a winter's evening like everything else on this road.

So I was shocked when I noticed the number of passengers getting on board who promptly took their jackets off, uncoiled scarves and placed them on the back of their chairs before sitting. What? I mean, sure unzip a coat; unbutton a cardigan. But to take them off completely?! To hang them on the back of your seat?! No one has ever does this on a bus.

I watched one guy take off his jacket, his scarf, his jumper, untuck his t-shirt and settle down and immediately fire up his smart phone on the WI-FI. I took a swift survey: almost every double-seat there was at least one shaggy haired person wearing knitting, handling their smart phone.

Where are you going? 9 stops?

A man got on, took off his coat, placed it behind him and sat next to me. In a swoop of an arm he brought up lap-top from his bag and logged in. A lap-top!!

An older guy took his wind-cheater off and fully opened up a broadsheet newspaper!!!

No Metro for us on this wired bus.

This WI-FI bus has altered passenger behaviour.

At the same time, this bus, in rush hour and taking in some less salubrious bus stops is getting busier and busier.

One gadge gets on and with the swagger borrowed from a much larger prize fighter, heads for the back seat .
"Excuse me, pal." he says, nasally, to the passenger at the window seat now next to him.
"Yes?"
"Can you tell me where to get off for the stadium?"
"Sure"
"I'd use the WI-FI on the bus eh, but my phone isn't working properly."
"Your phone... doesn't have a back to it."
"Ah know, but it is still handy to have."
"No. Your phone only has, like, the front. It has no battery. Or circuitry"
"Ah know. That's how I can't get the WI-FI on it."

What the hell is going on?

So at the same time as these guys with their ipads and tower PCs are getting squeezed and all sorts, normal passengers just try not to be fried with this internet café on wheels. Trying to get off the bus, it is mainly a struggle for arms space to get clothes back on let alone remembering to save a PowerPoint presentation. They'll end up right hooking some unwitting commuter. I have no sympathy. This is not a train or a plane, or your home. It is a public bus - most trips on it are 15 minutes.

What are you all doing.

So this is a thing now, is it? We all get comfortable and check our DMs and do a bit of "the figures" on the bus.

Well, give me smokers on the top deck again.

Post-watershed tweets

ooh! something good's going to be on

You'll notice the red triangle for this blog post (left). Because this blog is to be read after 9pm. Do not read if easily offended.

Late last night a couple of my Twitter follow-dwellers were amusing each other by tweeting back and forth titles of blue movies they could come up with based on mainstream films.

Wanting to join in, obviously, I gave it a few minutes of thought. Was it morally right for me to do this? I have occupied myself regularly with Grevillehouse tweets (see previous blog post) for some time now. I have no problem with Rated R material.

But would I be as comfortable with X-Rated movie titles?

Could my fragile little mind be warped enough to come up with anything worth tweeting anyway?

There was only one way to find out.

Even though I wasn't as good at it as @B3lla, @Rona2475 and @ManlyJPanda I did contribute:

Spunkticus

Ben-Her and Her

The Ten Cummandments

I went clearly with the golden age of cinema for a bit class.

I also figured my other ideas: Robocock and Little Women Tits are probably actual blue movies. And Snow White and the Seven Dwarves can't be improved as a blue movie title.

Unlike my Rated R pretend films, the chances are I will not be tweeting fictional dialogue to these fictional films any time soon.

Unless I can think of a few lines from Spunkticus. That has potential.