So here is my brief word stream review of 2012 and feel free to fit them into any categories you might have written down:
Olympics, John Terry, Savile, Mr Wig - Wiggo - Wiggins, Greville and the Tombstones, Mayans, films, gangnam style.
There! Are you happy now? Are you not entertained?
I have had literally no tweets asking why I haven't blogged a year review like I did in 2011 and 2010.
The reason is almost certainly the same as why I didn't write one - because people are tired of 2012 reviews. There seemed to be a never ending myriad of reviews of 2012. It was exhausting living through it all again before it was even over.
But I hear what you are saying. It is 2013 now.
Ok, you have twisted my arm.
Here are just a couple of things which I thought were stand outs of the 2012 and deserve a mention in an end of year summary, which many reviews may have missed.
Best TV of 2012
Sport this year dominated the TV. But sport is not really proper television. Sport on TV is a seat in the stadium or visual radio show. Although sport did produce some wonderful jaw dropping and unimaginable moments in 2012's 12 months it did not produce the most jaw dropping or the most unimaginable.
That went to a programme called 15 Stone Babies (C4).
15 Stone Babies was astonishing. It basically showed what will happen if you keep your Cabbage Patch doll for 40 years. Grown men and women wanting to be fully cared for as infants and the wives, girlfriends, boyfriends and businesses facilitating this want.
The only show which equalled my state of mesmerised horror was a programme from a few years back which I think was called, Guys and Dolls.
Guys and Dolls told the stories of 4 men who purchased, used and cared for "realdolls". For those who don't know, Realdolls are a mad scientist's experiment gone wrong of splicing Barbie DNA with that of 5 blow up sex dolls. Life sized anatomically correct latex dolls, glass eyes, tongues like stress balls and featuring spring loaded hips.
3 scenes from Guys and Dolls remain with me.
1. The chap who needed to return his doll to the factory to be chemically cleaned BY HAND [if I cleaned men's sex dolls for a job I would lie if someone asked why my hands are so soft and say I smother piglets for a living] and have its VAGINAL WALLS replaced [shudder]. He was brushing it's hair and stuff as he packaged it up back in it's tea crate to be sent away.
2. The man who wanted to have his realdoll lifestyle combined with a normal relationship so went on a dating site. Openly he explained to the girl he had a thing for realdolls. Fine, she said, everyone has something a little odd. Bet she wasn't expecting it to be a big but odd though and to walk into his house to see 8 realdolls sitting around his living room as best they could in their, what can only be described as, whoring postures. To his credit, the man had dressed them in demure conservative dresses, put make-up on them as if they were ginny-women of 1860's London. There was also the paper cone party hats on their heads and party blowers in their dirty mouths because it was Lucy realdoll's birthday.
If that lady didn't think: "Just eat a bit cake, drink a little tea, talk about the weather, pretend this is all normal and I might get out of here alive" then I don't know when she would ever think it, quite honestly.
[Anyway, forget the menagerie of life-sized, latex, love ladies, it's the teddy ruxpin on the shelf you need to worry about. There is a home recorded cassette up his ass of the guy talking dirty in a "lady voice". Probably]
3. The lad who tried to kick his realdoll addiction and shoved his collection into cardboard boxes in the garage, producing a scene resembling one of those suburban serial killers the cops occasionally stumble upon in Russia.
Anyway, I digress.
These adult babies enjoyed being tended to, changed and nursed. Both sides of the agreement suggested there was nothing sexual in the role-play but that "accidents happen" and are generally ignored.
The "babies" really wanted to remove all responsibility from their lives - to not have to worry about dressing, toileting or even, for some, understanding words. Those mothering (or fathering) them seemed to enjoy the caring, power and the nurturing aspects - saying the process fulfilled a need for them too.
Despite perceptions these people were in unhealthy relationships, and there was more to this fetish/lifestyle than simple enjoyment of role-playing it was something to realise these people were openly discussing this at all. Identities were not hidden.
Hi, this is me, this is the company I work for, this is my home and this is my man sized cot.
Perhaps 2012 was the point where people were becoming more aware and tolerant of what people like to innocently do without questioning any undercurrent of perversion?
One couple on the show at the end, explained it wasn't quite doing it for the husband anymore so he was busy building a sex-dungeon in the shed at the far side of their garden.
Ah.
So, to my winner!
New Girl.
Good Lord but I love New Girl - it is the perfect accompaniment to a hot chocolate served in a thick mug with Christmas designs printed on. Starring the leggy mermaid Zooey Deschanel and a cast of characters of which Schmidt is the stand out comedy conducting rod, it is simply a lovely piece of TV. How I truly feel about it, disappointingly for a blog, is something I struggle to put into words. Perhaps the best way to put it is I am following the entire cast of the show on Twitter on the off-chance they do a Twitter only episode and I don't want to miss it!
Weirdest moment of 2012
2012 did have it's fair share of weird moments. In 2010 the award went to Raoul Moat and 2011 the Krankies. So look away now if you don't want a little gentle controversy.
Up to the last moment of 2011 I was going to award this to the end of the world as predicted by old Religious fruit, Harold Camping, before the Krankies stole a march. Unfortunately for Earth, it has happened again.
According to some, that the Mayan calender ended on our modern 21st December 2012 was a sure sign of the end of the world. For me, I wondered if the Mayans wouldn't just have planned to hang up another one, like what I do every January 3rd. Of course, we will never know who was correct. Oh, no, that's right, we did, on 22nd December, it was me.
But let's cut to the chase!
For me, the weirdest thing came out of the hoax call made to the Private Hospital by a couple of OZ radio DJs gaining insight into the condition of the host to our future royal ruler parasite. [this isn't a treasonous sentence, but of high satire about modern monarchy and the female role within it. Honest]
Why these DJs wanted and were allowed to do this in the first place, given it was not a very funny "prank" - let's pretend we are the Royal Family and try and get confidential medical records is not funny, just a poor plot-line from a low budget ITV spy drama - will remain a mystery when studied in the cold light of day.
They said they never thought they would the information they were eventually privy to, that someone would have been sharp to their rouse. But this simply makes their motive even more blurred.
Then the UK media got involved. They blamed the DJs and they lambasted the Hospital Staff for a week. Then things took a tragic turn. One of the nurses hoodwinked took her own life.
The DJs now at the centre of this awful situation were distraught. Filmed broken, in tears, careers almost certainly over apologising into infinity. Their lives shattered after what they considered to be a bit of a laugh at someone's expense who they did not know or care about.
Once it became apparent a fortnight later that this was not a case of "pranking the pranksters" and the nurse was not just waiting to jump out of the wardrobe in the girl DJs bedroom in what surely be the ultimate prank of all time, it was time to reflect on what this all meant.
Suddenly the dangers of prank calls, hidden camera jokes and constructed situations to cause elevated reactions were laid bare. The risks and post-trauma potential risks are astronomical when considering the permutations of how people will react.
Those Mayans stopping their calendar short as a jape - someone died falling off a mountain in France which some (I believe the term is) loon dictated to be the only safe place on Earth on 21st December.
You've Been Framed - you are watching potential injury and death and serious mental health issues happening as you sit with your tea tray on your knees eating your fish fingers and sweet corn on a Saturday early evening, before your eyes.
If you thought the investigation to Savile was in depth, wait until someone sends the police the box set of Beadle's About.
Hopefully this terriable incident will mean the end to all these contrived and recorded set-ups which simply feasts on people's genuine humiliation and are always cruel.
There are better things to laugh at - and one of the best of them is New Girl.
So here is to a slightly less filled year in 2013, and one with fewer slo-mo montages of sporting emotion.
Now time to party 2013 music style!!
Sheesh, Roll on 2014 or to when the chronological rolls over to 0000 and we get to 1985 again.
And that's why I didn't do an annual review this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment