Blog Writers of the World unite and take over

On my lunch break at work I was reading the imaginery world of Twitter on my phone app and stumbled on a note that my good blogging comrade, Dumpling, was considering the very future of their blog.

Dumpling, say it ain't so! I have just got Google Reader, for heavens sake.

Dumpling, you explained that a new work policy banning blogging freedoms on personal social networks is making blogging almost too difficult to negotiate.

Well I say, don't ever let yourself be silenced by The Man.

My work says in a legally binding regulation appended to my contract that I am not allowed to blog/send letters to the press/talk on public transport about all sorts of things. But when the occassion arises then I use a simple little trick I learned on the streets. Streets that had Wi-Fi.

Instead of saying something clear like: Louise was back typing about pirates again. What is it that fascinates Louise with pirates?

I will blog: CODENAME Louise was back typing about CODENAME pirates again. What is it that fascinates CODENAME Louise with CODENAME pirates?

I call it the CODENAME mirage.

The Man might well realise something about those couple of sentences is amiss, but will they have the evidence to prosecute? I very much doubt it.

Dumpling, I do hope that this small act of defiance in solidarity with you and now my patented CODENAME mirage techinique will both help you feel you have the armoury to continue with your blogging.

Regards,
Greville Tombs

Open Letter to the Office Green Champion

Dear Office Green Champion,
The Office’s new intranet site has allowed you to create an eco-group “Friendly Energy” page. Very successful it is too. The page has a handy tip for turning socks into draft excluder “snakes” [take sock/fill it with more socks/staple sock of socks to bottom of door – I imagine are the instructions, not that I have read them]. It also has a monthly question where the answer is always in the currency of heated microwave meals. This month's number of microwave meals one can heat with the power saved from turning off 15 office PC monitors when not in use is truly harrowing.

However, from this informative and passive step you have quickly become militant – a regular Swampy – office bins labeled for various recycling materials only have just been the start. Reducing default font sizes, lecturing about the evils of polystyrene and hemp craft barter days have followed.

Tonight I see your precious Sun is going to be bombarding us with what I am calling “kill rays”.

I bet you are regretting all that recycling to help it now.

Yours,
G. Tombs

Open Letter: Issue 37

Dear Booler,
Although not a subscriber to your quarterly organ, I am an avid reader whenever I can scrabble upon an issue. Usually I flick through your breezy collection of local lawn bowling stories never believing I would see any reason to write in.

Now, this may be the wine talking, but I have been inclined to write this evening having read your latest issue, no. 37, because I have detected a worrying lapse in your editorial quality control.

On page 19 there is a delightful article about Agnes. I enjoyed it very much. Agnes is 97 years old and you suggest that she may be the oldest bowler in Scotland and further ask if any reader knows of anyone older?

Well, yes I do. Very recently, actually, I found out about an older bowler.

Because back on page 9 is Lily Kelly. And the piece about Lily, a well known bowler in her club, is all about her reaching 100 years old. There is a picture of her cutting her cake as some sort of proof. I'd like to think that the hired disco is playing songs by Kelis.

Considering the item about Agnes was basically just all about her being likely the oldest bowler in Scotland, it must have come as a blow to her when she got a hold of a copy of your journal to find out not only is Agnes not the oldest bowler in Scotland, she is also not the oldest bowler in your magazine. Sorry Agnes.

What kind of madness is this?

I also find your vendetta against John Grant distasteful.



I wonder if issue 38 will now continue with a co-ordinated sleaze campaign against John, should he not lie himself prone upon your booler moral alter. Will there be kiss and tell scandal stories surrounding John giving free raffle tickets to the younger grandmother bowlers? And will these younger grandmother bowlers be pictured draped across things?

I do hope that this is not the tone the publication will take.

Yours in sport and free magazines,
G. Tombs.